Conscious Parenting During the Holidays: How to Stay Regulated When Routines Disappear

Ashley Romero
Dec 20, 2025
5 min read

(EST 4 min reading time)

The holidays. Magical… and also a full nervous-system obstacle course.

Conscious, respectful, and attachment-based parenting ask so much of us — especially presence.

And yet, the holidays are often built in ways that ironically pull us away from it.

Different beds.

Different bedtimes.

Different foods.

Different expectations.

Different parenting philosophies under the same roof.

Parents stretching themselves thin — trying to savor rare moments with loved ones, or quietly bracing themselves while “making it through” a few intense days together.

All while holding space for their children’s needs, emotions, and rhythms.

It’s beautiful, fleeting, and can be deeply challenging.

Let’s walk through maintaining connection and regulation when everything familiar is temporarily gone. Including your usual tools.

Why Conscious Parenting Feels Harder During Travel & Family Gatherings

Family chatting in the kitchen around a table for the holidays.

Conscious parenting relies on three things that often disappear during the holidays:

1. Predictable rhythms

2. Nervous system safety

3. Shared values

Children notice the absence of these, and might begin to signal, or “misbehave”.

And when parents are dysregulated themselves, even the most intentional caregivers can feel reactive, defensive, or doubting their approach.

The goal isn’t to parent perfectly. The goal is to stay in relationship.

Replace Perfect Routines with “Portable Regulation”

Rather than trying to recreate home routines exactly (which often leads to frustration), try focusing on portable regulation — small, flexible anchors that travel well.

Think less “schedule” and more signals of safety.

Parent and child reading a book, coregulating before bed during the holidays.

Ask yourself:

“What helps my child’s body feel safe, regardless of where we are?”

Regulation Tools that Travel Well

1. Create a “Micro-Ritual” That Replaces Routine

Try replacing rigid bedtimes or meal routines with one non-negotiable micro-ritual that happens daily, no matter what. This begins at home, and travels with you.

Examples:

• A routine cuddle or chat in bed and song or book before sleep

• A connected breath or gratitude affirmation together when you wake or before meals

• A simple check-in question each morning: “What might feel tricky today?”

This tells your child: Something familiar still exists.

“No matter where you go, you can find something you know.” — Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood

This Daniel Tiger jingle gently reminds children that new places don’t have to feel scary. You can look for something familiar, whether in your implemented micro ritual, or in your temporary space.

“We listen to holiday music at home, too!”

“We have plants at home, too!”

Or..

“We can have our same time together before bed, even in this new room.”

Find comfort and common ground, even in unfamiliar spaces, so transitions feel safer, steadier, and more welcoming.

2. Name the Unspoken When Family Dynamics Cause Tension

Children feel tension even when adults don’t talk about it.

Things to say to neutralize sudden emotional disruption or charge:

• “Sometimes grown-ups do things differently.”

• "You're right. We do do it differently at home. While we're here, (family member) feels most safe when we (i.e, don't jump on the couch)."

Naming reality prevents children from internalizing stress as personal failure. Studies on mindful parenting show parents who can name emotional experiences, support stronger emotional regulation and connection in their children.

3. Shift From Behavior Management to Connection

Instead of asking: “How do I stop this behavior?”, try: “What is their body asking for right now?”

Common holiday needs:

• Movement before “sit down” meals

• Quiet space after intense socializing

• Protein before sugar

• Connection before compliance

This reframing alone can change how you respond. Research shows supportive, responsive parenting plays a key role in children’s ability to self-regulate under stress, especially in unfamiliar or over stimulating environments.

4. Pre-Load Your Child With Language (Before It’s Needed)

Before gatherings, practice boundary phrases together:

• “I need space.”

• “I don’t want a hug right now.”

• “I’m not ready.”

• “Please stop.”

Our work here is shaking off the feeling that asserting boundaries is “rude” when you are actually teaching self-advocacy.

When Family Disagrees With Your Parenting Approach

This is one of the hardest, most rarely addressed parts.

Affirmations for you:

I am allowed to set boundaries without convincing.

I am allowed to parent differently without defending.

I am allowed to protect my child’s emotional safety without explanation.

Gentle Resources to Support You

• Body-based regulation: deep humming, stepping outside for fresh air, taking a slow walk, morning stretch before the big day of events, or signaling to your partner when you need a grounding hug or a reassuring squeeze.

• Visual timers for transitions in unfamiliar spaces.

Example: A calendar to allow children to visually connect with the timing of the upcoming special, out-of-the-norm events

• Child-led play even in small pockets of time

Parent and child going out on a walk together.

Parental nervous system regulation is what matters most in attachment security in children. Warm, supportive parenting can buffer the effects of stress on children’s behavior and developing brains.

And if you’re local, spaces like Mi Casa Es Tu Casa exist so families can practice connection outside of high-pressure environments, to strengthen them for these super bowl moments. Join us for our upcoming session!

A Final Reframe for the Holidays

Your child doesn’t need you to be calm all the time.

They need you to be real, responsive, and willing to repair.

Conscious parenting isn’t about controlling outcomes — it’s about staying connected inside unpredictable ones.

And that’s a gift that lasts far longer than the holidays.

More Science Behind the Tips

On regulation before reasoning or reframing challenging behavior as a stress response, read: Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child Break the Stress Cycle by Dr. Stuart Shanker

On how connection is more powerful than control in the parent-child dyad, read: Hold On to Your Kids by Dr. Gordon Neufeld

On the importance of body-based tools for regulation and safety as a physiological state: Dr. Stephen Porges’ Ployvagal Theory, and on how to translate the Polyvagal Theory into parenting tools: Anchored by Deb Dana, LCSW

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What is Mi Casa Es Tu Casa®?

Adults and toddlers sit on pastel mats, joyfully playing a drum together. The scene is lively and collaborative, with hands on the drum. Shows a baby and toddler class

Founded in 2017 by Laura Bruce, a mom with a degree in clinical psychology, Mi Casa Es Tu Casa®’s program has touched over 5 thousand families over the years near and far!

On the surface, we are a Spanish immersion music program for families with babies 0-4. We use our own, high-quality (Latin Grammy-nominated) music along with movement, sign language, and props to build community and develop the whole child.

Look a little deeper and you’ll find that Mi Casa Es Tu Casa®’s program is fueled by our mission to eradicate childhood trauma.

We know that the only way to do this is to wholeheartedly support mothers and caregivers in the process of creating a healthy environment full of love and respect where children can develop their own sense of self.

You can learn more about how to join us in person in Austin, TX or from your own home here