Navigating Separation Anxiety in Babies and Parents, and How Mommy-and-Me Classes Help

(EST 4 min reading time)

When babies and toddlers begin spending time away from us—whether it’s with a new nanny, a first daycare drop-off, or even just leaving them in the arms of another trusted adult—it’s hard to hold their tears and their reaching back for you without you feeling it, too.

The lump in your throat, sting in your eyes, the pit in your stomach...it’s by design. We are wired to stay close together. Biology makes sure that both baby and parent ache when separated—so we stay connected. The reminder that raising children means also learning to let them go (piece by piece) shows up in the quiet after drop-off, or the empty space where their babbles and calls for you usually fill the air.

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Why Separation Anxiety Affects Parents, Too

Attachment is mutual. The same bond that makes your baby feel safe with you also makes it hard for you to let go.

Change is loaded. It’s never just a new caregiver, a new schedule, or a new classroom. It’s the grief-pride-nostalgia salad that comes with realizing your baby is becoming more of their own person every day.

Emotions mirror. Your baby feels your nervous system, and you feel theirs. Their tears pull on your heart, and your tears sometimes well up in theirs.

All of this makes you both attuned to each other. Your tears after a handoff, even if hidden in the car ride home, are proof of how deeply you’re invested in this small life.

In moments of separation, more than anything else, our child is assessing whether we believe they are safe in our absence - which is why our kids need to feel our sturdiness. — Dr. Becky Kennedy, Clinical Psychologist

There are gentle, practical ways to ease transitions—for your child and yourself:

Tools to Help Parents and Baby Through Separation

1. Create a “Goodbye Ritual" for Drop-Off. Even babies, who can’t do a secret handshake yet, can feel the power of consistency. A special hug or a nuzzle paired with an affirmation “Mommy always comes back”  before every hand off helps them begin to connect: goodbyes are safe, it’s about to happen, and reunions will come.

   
   

2. Send a Comfort Item with your baby. For toddlers, a family photo in their cubby or a material that smells like you can act as a bridge of comfort and a way for you to feel near, even when you’re not there.

   
   

3. Recognize introducing new caregivers is expanding your baby’s circle of love.

    Every hand that gently rocks your baby, every caring adult who kneels to meet your toddler’s gaze, is part of expanding the circle of people who love them. They’re not replacing you—they’re reinforcing the security you continue to build.

   
   

4. Anchor yourself emotionally before dropping your baby off.

   Babies and toddlers settle into your calm. You’ve been there to care for and protect them, time and time again, and they’ve learned to trust you. If you’re grounded (even if you fall apart in the car later), they sense your trust in the people and spaces you’re leaving them in, and know that you know they’re safe. 

   
   

Try:

•  Reminding them: You are safe, and I know (insert caregiver) is so excited to play and take good care of you! They're the best!

  
  

• Remembering your own sweet memories of early friendships or safe caregivers—your baby is building theirs, too.

  
  

• Planning something small for yourself during the time apart: coffee with a friend, a nap, a walk, or even just uninterrupted silence. Let separation give back to you, too.

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How a Mommy-and-Me Music Class can be a Gentle First Step before Transitioning to Daycare

At Mi Casa Es Tu Casa®, we see this dance of holding close and letting go every day. For many families, mommy-and-me music classes are a first chance for babies to practice independence. They crawl a little farther, explore a room full of friends, and begin socializing—while still seeing mama right there as their safe base.

It’s also a chance for parents to practice, too. To breathe, to let their baby be adored by other loving adults, to watch them explore while you’re still close enough to step in. Signing your baby up for a Mi Casa Es Tu Casa session is soft rehearsal for the bigger transitions—whether it’s daycare, preschool, or returning to work.

Here, separation isn’t a cliff, it’s a practice ground. A space to grow confidence in both you and your child.

How to Approach Transitions and Separation Anxiety

In summary, recognizing that it’s normal to have mixed emotions about transitioning to outside childcare is the first step. And then, moving gently towards the day you first drop baby off. Each goodbye is a practice where both of you are learning that stepping out doesn’t mean stepping away. “They go out, they come back,” both parent and baby remind themselves.

No matter how many arms hold them during the day, no matter how many steps they take into the wide world, you are still home.

One day, when the diaper bag gets traded in for a backpack, and grows eventually into a suitcase, you’ll find that after the decades of practice (which is beginning now), their (once little) hand and yours continue to find one another, again, and again. 

How beautiful to still be at the very beginning of all that’s to come.

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How to Join Mi Casa Es Tu Casa®'s

Mommy-and-Me Music Program

On the surface, Mi Casa Es Tu Casa is a Spanish immersion music program for families with babies 0-4. We use our own, high-quality (Latin Grammy-nominated) music along with movement, sign language, and props to build community and develop the whole child.

Look a little deeper and you’ll find that Mi Casa Es Tu Casa®’s program is fueled by our mission to eradicate childhood trauma.

We know that the only way to do this is to wholeheartedly support mothers and caregivers in the process of creating a healthy environment full of love and respect where children can develop their own sense of self.

You can join us in person in our Austin, TX studio for our next session here.

Or, dive into our At-Home classes from your living room by enrolling here.

If you have questions about our program or need help finding the right class, get in touch! We love connecting with families and we're here to help.